avoidance

more often than not, i choose to disengage.
i choose social media & my iPhone over a good book.
i choose pandora all hours of the day in order to escape my own head.
i choose bingeing on netflix to numb loneliness and discontent.

these choices are alarming, unhealthy and worst of all, normal.

i don't know where i'm going, but it's becoming clear that this is where I am. and I had to tell someone- naturally I chose the interwebs. it's as though i'm waking up and becoming alive to certain habits and tendencies. we (if I include you in this too it makes me feel better, of course) are creatures of habit. obviously blogging is not one of my habits, but masking vulnerability, devaluing myself and disengaging are.

we all need help (again with the we, but mostly me).

What's to Come

Things to look forward to... (because sometimes we need reminding).


1. CAMP: where I can act like a child, paint my face and have multiple emotional breakdowns and be totally normal.

2. NEW STAFF: fresh meat at camp means story time, shared experiences and new perspectives. new staff keep camp thriving.

3. BEACH: for the first time in two years, I will welcome the sun to scorch my skin on white sand this Saturday. For one day. #worthit & it's also my first SC beach experience! Woot.

4. CHANGE: embracing the chaos of summer, pulling out all my extraversion and adapting to a life of self-forgetfulness called camp.

5. LEARNING: every year i've worked at merri-mac it's looked totally different. different people, different struggles, different joys.. I always learn. Come on, life lessons- the hard and the harder, I know you're just around the corner.

Mount Mitchell State Park, Highest Peak East of the MS River

p.s. trying to get into shorter blogs.
so, bye for now!

xoxo

thirteen things I loved about my year twenty-three.

Some of you may know that 24 is my favorite number, meaning I've been looking forward to my 24th birthday for well over six months. I've felt 24 for a while… so it's time. However, there are many things I've loved about my year being 23… and here are some: 

1. Moving to North Carolina. okay, technically I was 22 when I moved here, but I turned twenty three FOUR days after. Haley & Anne made my birthday super special and we christened my 23rd year in NC with Hey, Hey Cupcakes at Wicked Weed Brewing (two favorites). Moving was a life changing decision that I have not once regretted. 

2. Being CIT Director at Camp. there are many ways I fell short during my time as CIT Director, but having this role at camp was my favorite summer yet. It was the most unique time with my girls and gave me an amazing friendship with my co-director, Robert. My three months as CIT Director were chalked full of lessons my girls taught me & I am so grateful. 

3. Becoming a professional bridesmaid. during my calendar year of being 23, three of my closest friends from MC got married. Some of you may have heard some complaints about these duties, but really.. in that moment where one of your closest friends is walking down the aisle, it is all worth it. Marriage is a beautiful thing and I was lucky to stand beside Kristen, Laura and Kendall on their big days. 

4. Getting more married friends. (on the topic of marriage…) most of my friends here in Black Mountain are married, and I have loved getting a peek into their marriages. Marriage is scary and daunting and crazy but watching my friends love their spouses so graciously while simultaneously being honest about the tough moments has been a constant encouragement. 

5. One word: Bruiser. I love dogs, but this dog is the best. The end. 

6. Living with Haley Fulford. Yep, Hales, you got that right. When I moved to NC, Haley literally shared her bed with me for the first month so I wouldn't have to sleep on the old, creeky side of the house alone. I'm forever grateful. Living with Haley taught me a lot about myself (how important communication is…). She's the yin to my yang-- she brings out fun Mary Kathryn like no one else. Our silly and our serious moments are some of my favorite this year. 

7. Asheville. On a lighter note-- this city is just so fun. Always somewhere fun to go & something new to try. 

8. TRYING NEW FOODS. when i first moved here, i started a list of things i was trying for the first time. here are a few: cauliflower, crunch peanut butter, kale, radishes, olives, cuscus, pistachios, mushrooms, pad thai, curry & avocados. This is not a full list-- but y'all. I have mastered trying new foods! I may not like all of them, but I loveeee some of them. 

9. Traveling for work- this can be lonely. at one point, i was on the road for fifteen days. Luckily, visiting Haley in DC and the Evans' in PA were on this trip so I wasn't totally lonely. BUT overall, I loved the places I was able to go and the people I was able to meet and visit during my travels. 

10. New York City- of all people, I really had little desire to ever visit NYC.  Ulterior motives took me there in November, and I fell in love with the City lights. The City is overflowing with diversity, opportunity and so much intrigue. 

11. Starting to see a therapist- yeah, you read that right. I started seeing a counselor a couple months ago and she is now my BFF. a well paid BFF. She's helping me learn about the unhealthy habits I have and encouraging me to develop a healthier view of myself. Thanks, BFF. You da best.

12. Being in a long distance relationship (hence NYC, y'all)- okay, this is something I don't always love but I'm learning to…embrace. Even if the circumstances aren't what we picture as ideal, Jesus always has our best interest in His plan. 

13. Growing in knowledge of God's love for me. Sometimes I think growing up in the church really numbed me to the shocking and vulnerable reality of God's deep love for me. The past month or so I've been asking God to teach me how to operate from a place of being fully known and completely loved by Him (how freeing!) instead of a place of fear, insecurity and need for validation. I hope year 24 brings much more of this. 

"Shout! For the Lord has given you the city."

for the past few months, i've found myself growing increasingly annoyed with the amount of self-help blogs, articles like 5 reasons you should get married, 5 reasons you shouldn't get married, let-me-tell-you-what-I-think-about-everything type blogs- So I've refrained from writing. Not that I'm telling anyone what to do here, but why write if it's just white noise? 

Wrong. 

If you know me even a little bit, you probably know that I'm a verbal processor. And while, yes, publishing this blog on whatever social media site may be white noise to you, and that's okay. Each time I open a blank page I'm quickly reminded of how personal the writing experience is for me. & i love it. 

let's move on to explain this title: 

Joshua 6:16 "at the seventh time, when the priests blew the trumpets, Joshua said to the people, "Shout! For the Lord has given you the city." 

Recognize it? Yes, the story of the walls of Jericho. the Lord told Joshua this crazy plan of how the walls were going to come down around the city of Jericho & Joshua's just like "Okay, cool, I'll tell everyone." He then tells the people of Israel and they do as they are told-- they march. At what point would it have been okay for me to be like "um, we're marching and these walls are coming down? yeah, right." But, despite their circumstances-- they listened, obeyed and were blessed. On the seventh day, at the seventh time... Joshua calls out his battle cry- "Shout! For the Lord has given you this city." 

Just as He was always faithful to provide for the Israelites, He will provide for me, too. whatever crazy methods He may use, His plan will come to fruition.

when we're obedient- in the mundane, day-to-day, and in the big decisions- He is sure to bless.

the Good that He has Ordained

"I love thee for giving me clusters of grapes in the wilderness, and drops of heavenly wine that set me longing to have my fill. Apart from thee I quickly die, bereft of thee I starve, far from thee I thirst and droop; But thou art all I need." | Valley of Vision

i've started this blog and deleted it so many times. asking myself, where do i start with the goodness that God has been showing me these past few months? 
i don't even know where to begin, but i'm certain that i want all of you to experience the reality of God's goodness. whether you "feel" Him or not, His plan for you is being fulfilled. 

i catch myself at times- whether sitting at my desk at work or driving around with friends- in awe and wonder: "how on earth did I end up here?" I'm amazed at how acquainted with the depths of my heart the Lord is-He knew what I needed before I did: to be introduced to the Blue Ridge Mountains, to move away from familiarity, to be single for a season and to work in an environment where I'm completely uncomfortable most days. He knew that I would be captivated by Fall in the mountains, that I would love working for a summer camp and that I would face (multiple) seasons of joyful loneliness. 

We are living out what He has already 

o r d a i n e d.  

In the midst of this crazy, beautiful mess I am constantly comforted by the truth that my plan is already set in stone. the Lord has ordained more adventure and purpose for my little life than I could have ever dreamed. My confidence in this truth is real because I see it every day as I work for Merri-Mac and live in this dreamland of North Carolina. There will always be circumstances that remind us we aren't home yet, but 

take heart, dearly Beloved, He has 

g o o d g i f t s 

in store for you.

crunchy peanut butter.

on this day, at this moment- I'm listening to wilco pandora, gazing out the window of the Dripolator coffee house in the tiny town of Black Mountain, North Carolina. It's a breath of fresh air I breathe in slowly and deeply; I'm finally here.

my last days in Mississippi were nothing short of a whirlwind. filled with humbling love, generous friends, supportive family, sweet notes of encouragement, Gilmore Girls and a plethora of emotions.

i'm surprised at how much God is sustaining me. dang that sinful nature that resists trusting His promises. my sweet friends here are taking good care of me, and i'm lucky to have a good amount of alone time to process exactly what is happening. Here am I, in this sweet familiar town, but there is no camp. No other counselors, no campers. It's slightly bizarre. Yet nonetheless, I love it and it strangely feels like home. 

Thusfar, I've done a little work for camp but my full job starts Monday. I've set up my room for the summer, been grocery shopping, spending as much time in the Word as I can and went running today! grocery shopping was amusing. if you know me well, you know i can't cook. bread, peanut butter & honey sandwiches for me! tried crunchy peanut butter for the first time...pretty good! I also tried Curry for the first time last night (YUMMY).

Our Father is sweet to give us good gifts. THIS is a good gift, a sweet season of trying new things like crunchy peanut butter, curry and cauliflower.

Look up, my darling.

Spring has a special way of kissing me on the cheek. It's as if God is leaning down saying, "Here you are, my darling, I know you needed this."
Besides the pollen, no body needs all that.
But, really. The blooming flowers, the enticing sunshine, the constant celebration...It's a season of rejoicing- Winter is over! It seems that this should be the part where I make some sort of analogy for how this is representative of life. For some of you, maybe it is. But for me, right now this doesn't reign true.
God is teaching me to embrace all the sunshine you can get- whether it's just a ray or a full afternoon of it. Metaphorically, of course, I mean that on good days or bad days, when I feel happy or sad, God is still good and you can find sunshine when you look for it.

I'm learning that everyday you have the ability to look up, look outside yourself and be thankful.