It's Pouring.

When it rains, it pours..and I'm not talking about the weather. 


From Sunday night until this very moment, I have felt as if I am consumed by a whirlwind of emotions, a hurricane of sadness followed by an ocean tears. 


I have cried more in the past two days than I have this entire semester. 
I say this not for your pity, at all. This blog is simply my internet diary. Typing it out feels good. Feel no pity on me please, I'm not deserving.


It's almost like a tornado. It started with one thing, but as time went on the tornado grew larger, taking out more area and more aspects of my life. 


It's almost as if God is saying, "If I take it all away, will you finally see Me again?"


Taking a glimpse at the past few days, 

• I see that God is faithful to answer prayers (I asked him--in my blog--to humble me yesterday and I have never felt my pride be so flattened)

• I have compared myself with other people... I'm realizing that God compares me to no one. That's because He know me well. He doesn't need to compare me to others to learn about me.
• I have become comfortable with finances, taking advantage of what I have. Well, He stripped me of that when I had to pay a 211.50 ticket this afternoon, when I thought it was getting dismissed. I was especially broken when my bank account said 209. 00--so thankful for friends. 

At the drop of a hat, I can just let the tears fall. It doesn't help that it's "that time" either. You know, it always intensifies everything. But I'm not always like this during "that time"--so I know that I can't blame all these emotions/events on that. I know God is moving. 

"Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. "Psalm 27:3

At Merri-Mac this summer, we sang "He loves us" by David Crowder a lot. I was already very familiar with that song. I loved it and still do.


One line reads as follows...
"Love's like a hurricane; I am a tree, bending beneath the wind and the weight of His Mercy"
This is how I feel. I'm a tree, being bent, twisted and contorted into uncomfortable and painful places. 


Proverbs 3:
(11)My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline,
   and do not resent his rebuke,
(12)because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
   as a father the son he delights in.


It's safe to say that I have an abundance to be thankful for. Having a broken and humbled spirit isn't so bad, although I could do without the flood of tears. 


Grace and Peace be with you, my friends. 


p.s. picture is courtesy of an old friend that shall remain nameless for the time being. i'm sure he'll come up again one day.