failures of the flesh

It is a terrible feeling, to feel inadequate. 
Thoughts ramble incessantly through my mind and they all boil down to my lack of belief that God loves me thoroughly. 
The love He has for me is equal to the love he has for the most beautiful, most organized, most talented, most involved and most accomplished student at MC. 
Yet constantly I find myself wanting to be more of one of those things.. more beautiful, more accomplished, more organized... I am somehow not enough.


It.is.a.constant.battle. 


and the worst part is, I don't really compare myself with those I don't know...it's the worst with those closest around me. why would I choose to be jealous of someone I love? Over time it wells up inside me until I break and confess my sin to God. I'm tired of being in this place. This isn't the first time I have fought this battle. 


As I'm typing this the Lord brought Psalm 73 to mind...
 ²³ Yet I am always with you;
   you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
   and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
   And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart
   and my portion forever.


So personal and so intimate. I'm confident that God has created me to be me and no one else. It is a hard, narrow, thorn-full path.