Looking up

It's difficult to believe that a month ago I was still at camp.
Life has progressed at such a quick pace, I can barely grasp it. The days pass slowly but the weeks seem to be running away from me.

Coming away from camp this time around has been extremely different than last summer. Summer of 2010 was a wonderful experience with beautiful friendships that still flourish to this day...but I did not miss camp the way that I miss Merri-Mac now. My deep love & appreciation for the staff, campers and in general, the ministry of this place runs through my veins constantly. I have accepted the challenge (without much choice, of course) of being back home, in MS, studying my butt off this last year. Thankfully the Lord has blessed me with tremendous community that welcomes me home every day (literally...they are my roommates!)...

But the adjustment has not been simple thus far. I truly believe that coming home from camp is one of the most vulnerable states one can be in spiritually speaking. Talking with other friends from camp, I'm certain that Satan has been itching to bother us with loneliness, insecurity, and distracting us from our current lives by missing camp so much.

My battle since I have been home has been spiritual & mental. My mentor growing up always told me that "the battlefield starts in the mind." I have found that to be so true always but especially at this time in my life. To sum up what God is fighting for me every day (Exodus 14:14) would be the word insecurity.  This time last year (for the first time in my life) I started to struggle with being insecure in my looks, personality and even friendships. At times Satan easily convinced me of my insufficiency in this world. Which, partly is true.. I will never be sufficient/perfect...BUT Christ redeemed me from the curse of the law (Galatians 3:13)...and THAT has made me sufficient.

These insecurities have risen yet again after returning home from camp. I was beginning to notice not only the mental lies I was believing about myself (my character & my looks) but also how these insecurities were affecting my actions. I have been less confident in speaking in class, meeting new people & trying new things...and I have hated it. Especially knowing that the root of it is this insane spiritual battle. (that Christ has already won!!)

But God is rich in mercy(Ephesians 2:4-5) and He has given me wisdom and strength to overcome moments of insecurity throughout the day. As simple as this may sound to you... It has been monumental for me. You see, all my life I have been this extremely confident person and suddenly I realized that all my confidence was found in myself (philippians 3:3)... I was a confident person because others thought highly of me. Graciously, He is holding my hand through this journey of putting confidence in Him. Today I sat by an accquaintance in one of my classes...and I think we might be friends now :)

The length of this post was necessary. The thoughts have been jumbled for a while. I'm so incredibly thankful God is giving me clarity, wisdom & security in His promises. I pray that you also find security in Him & not yourself, for we are beings full of sin.

Psalm 45:10&11