In the Blue Ridge Mountains of Merri-Mac...

Meg, Bex & I at Max Patch for Sunnyside trip.

First sess Sunnyside counselors plus the wonderful Christy Shores.

The one & only Alice Coughlin: my favorite person to laugh with.

My heart: Katherine Albanese, friend, encourager & former camper.

I held this bunny for twenty minutes this past Saturday. #emotionalattachment

 
Two and a half weeks remain for my time at Merri-Mac. 

This summer has been beautiful thus far. The Lord has taught me more about His steadfast love, faithfulness and sovereignty. 

His sovereignty has comforted me when I've felt nervous concerning my job this fall. His steadfast love has reminded me that despite my failures and insecurities, He loves me all the same. He has proved faithful in growing me from my time last summer at camp. God has guarded my heart and blessed me with community, accountability and unexpected friendship during these weeks at Merri-Mac. 

In the weeks to come, I am positive that He will continue to prove faithful in providing what I need for this next season of life. I'm grateful to God that He is my sustainer and refuge. Transitioning home from camp is always tough, and I expect nothing less this time around. Sweet Jesus, teach me to embrace the change of seasons. 

Hello, adult life. See you in a couple weeks!!!

mkaystew

probably too raw.

there's a time for asking yourself if you really believe what you've been saying you believe. 

i think this is healthy.

saying words repeatedly, even for years, does not mean that you actually believe what you are saying. it doesn't mean you put trust in those words. it does not mean you would stake all that you have for those words that you are saying. so, if saying it doesn't mean you believe it, what does? 

Living like you believe it. 

this post might be a little too raw, but my heart is raw tonight. so i'm going to share it.

while reading psalm 84 tonight, I came across verse 11 which reads:

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor

No good thing does he withhold

from those who walk uprightly"

One of the side notes led me to Psalm 34: 9&10 as well...

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack! 

The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

I'm left asking myself: do I believe that because I have God I lack nothing? I have everything I need? I have all the GOOD I will ever have because I have the Lord? 

If I choose to say I believe this, how am I acting this out? 

 I'm not. 

I am constantly seeking more,

rejecting that He is enough.  

I'm seeking wholeness in Him. 

this means sacrifice. this means rejecting the world. this means change. 

the bottom line is that He is enough. but every time I choose my way over His, I'm rejecting that fact. 

Jesus, forgive me.

brokenness.

brokenness is my condition without God. broken is my warped mind and skewed view of myself and life in general. 

fortunately my condition changed when I trusted Jesus years ago. I was hidden in Christ with God, seated at His right hand... My condition forever changed. Because of what Jesus did for me. He interceded. He paid the price that a just God demanded. 

this is a small glimpse of what God is teaching me. He controls all things, all timelines. He ordains relationships. He brings beauty from suffering.

i'm learning that the junk in my heart is forgiven by Jesus. so I need to let it go. Forget my flesh and cling to the cross because He is sufficient.

Plans for post-graduation are minimal.. but today I committed to Camp Merri-Mac for yet another summer. Knowing that my previous two summers are so completely different, I'm curious to see what this one holds.

Praise the Lord for being all knowing, all sufficient...and worthy of my all.


happy almost valentine's day, beloveds.

messy.

the blogging mood just hit me...so, here I go. warning: this entry will be choppy. (forgive me for my lack of effort pertaining to eloquent writing in this moment)

Merry Christmas & (almost) Happy New Years friends. Cheers to celebrating a holiday representing my Savior's birth and a holiday that brings in a year of new. 

i honestly haven't sat down to think about the "new year" or new years resolutions yet. i guess it's time now. i've been telling myself i'd go on a diet in january so i can be as small as my best friend in her wedding in June. i've already analyzed that because my motivation/intention isn't pure...this diet probably won't be successful. oh well.

winter reminds me of death. it's beautiful in its own way. but in my own life winter's primary purpose is to make way for Spring...for new, for refreshment, for beauty. PREPARE THE WAY FOR SPRING.

the waves of uncertainty that surround my future are quite frightening. it is hard to believe that one semester of my senior year is complete and only one remains. And it all comes down to this semester... this is the semester the Lord will show me what the near future holds. There was a possibility He would reveal it in the Fall but He did not.

I've spent a very long time buidling up to this moment. And in these months, just a few mere months, a collection of moments...plans will be made and my life will be changed. Okay, I'm going to stop because this is slightly freaking me out.

things on my mind lately... camp... a possibility for the summer and next year; moving to a new city and get a simple job...probably Asheville, Charlotte or Raleigh...an adventure that is super scary but very exciting; other things that shouldn't be blogged about.

i will end with this thought. God's goodness and sovereignty trumps my feelings and emotions. No matter how fearful I am, He is good nonetheless and He will provide for me. Praise Him for that truth. Without it, I'd be a mess without Hope. (I'm still a mess)

long time, no bloggy.

it's been a while since I've sat down to reflect and write. 

today is thanksgiving.. happy thanksgiving, y'all! although I'm thankful for a lot, that's not what I've intended to write about. Honestly, I have no intentions for this post. My desire is to reflect on all that God has been teaching me lately. so, here we go.


I've been seeking out and praying for a mentor for a long while now. I so deeply desire a one on one relationship with a woman who is willing to call me out, laugh with me, cry with me and mostly just listen to all this mumble jumble in my head. and YALL. the Lord provided. He is so faithful to have brought someone into my life to love me, walk with me through this crazy season called senior year and challenge me through the Word. We've only been "meeting" for two weeks or so and I just have really felt God's blessing all over the friendship. Thank you, sweet Jesus...He met the desire of my heart! and I am so, so thankful. 

 My best friend of 8 years got engaged last weekend!!!!! I knew for a month before it happened and it was SO incredibly difficult to keep it from her. But, it was absolutely perfect. Although she and I are the same age, clearly she is in a completely different stage of life than I am and I'm so excited about walking through this with her. It's amazing how although this is happening to Steph & Ben, God is teaching me a lot. Through their relationship/engagement, God is giving me standards that need to be met for my husband. Through this time, He is teaching me to be selfless and TRUST His timing. For Stephanie and Ben, the timing was surely the Lord's and God is steadily telling me to trust His timing with the relationship aspect of my life. I'm processing all this and it's literally been less than a week since the proposal! It's gonna be a wild ride!! But really... God is going to do some big things through this marriage & I couldn't be more thrilled!! 


I've pretty much nailed my options for next year down to two internships. This really excites me. The application process for one of them begins in January! That's right around the corner. Until then, I should be fervently praying for His hand to lead me. I'm genuinely really excited about both of these options though. They are drastically different--and I feel like choosing one is choosing an entire lifestyle and choosing the other is an entirely different lifestyle. But hey, that's my worrying side coming out. God, increase my faith and trust in You. Kill my unbelief. 
This sweet picture is from a trip to Athens, GA to see camp friends. Meg & Morgan are wonderful. Well, that's all for now. I'm working retail on black Friday so I need my sleep :) 
--Loving some Colossians one lately. He holds all together. 
selah :)

disconnect.

the disconnect between the head and the heart, or in this spiritual journey you can refer to as the Spirit and the flesh, is becoming increasingly frustrating within my mind. 



For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
(Romans 7:15-20 ESV)


In the past, this passage of Scripture was very confusing...but these are the exact thoughts I have often. My flesh flares up and fails daily. And it's always in conflict with the Spirit.
Scripture is very clear about the power of the Spirit. But, quite honestly, learning to walk by the Spirit (and what that even means or looks like on a day to day basis) has not been an easy journey. It takes sacrifice: choosing to have friendships, listen to music and watch things that encourage the Spirit within me and do not grieve it (Eph. 4:30). 
I'm learning that it is every little decision I choose that can benefit my relationship with the Lord or hinder it. Some people choose to believe that they can be "stagnant" or maybe even neutral in their walk with the Lord. From my experience, in those times I feel stagnant because I'm not growing closer to the Lord's heart I am ultimately being pulled away from it from the world. 
My prayer is that there is a bridge between this disconnect...that God would so graciously give me self-discipline to listen to and watch things that glorify Him alone, to participate in conversation that strives to honor Him & that I would make decisions led by the Spirit and not to gratify my flesh. 


Also, I've been especially blessed this week by the Lord's favor on my sister Amanda in blessing her with another child! Baby Wright #4 is on the way :) I have not always liked children, nor do I really claim to be good with them by any means right now.. but God is definitely softening my heart--and I am SO excited about this little one. I'm thankful that God has His own plan & timing. Blessings like this just can't be planned. 


that's all for now, folks. 

Fall is here, for now...

It's been a month since my last post. Oops!

In reference to that last post, the battle is not over. But thankfully God has been gracious with me, providing me with confidence and joy in Him. 

Today is the most glorious day!! It is so stinkin crazy how drastically the weather affects my mood. For instance, I woke up Tuesday morning to an insane thunderstorm. It was a crazy awesome demonstration of God's power, but it was not encouraging me to go to class. Therefore, yep, you guessed it. I skipped. First time to skip this class and it's October!! (well, almost). Today, however, myohmy ITFEELSLIKEFALL!!! Did you get that? It actually feels like Fall in Mississippi! Now, I'm enjoying it fully because (literally) only God knows what tomorrow and the next few days will feel like. But this was a glorious day to welcome in Fall Break of my senior year. What?! No Fall Break next year. EEESSH. (do I have to grow up?) This afternoon I took a sleeping bag into the backyard at my house and literally just laid there. ITWASAWESOME. seriously. one of the best ideas I've had in a while. So thankful to the Creator for blessing me with this day.

"God has a plan, He has a plan and it is good. God is good & He has a plan for me & it is good."
This is a little excerpt from my brain the last few weeks. My tendencies to plan & plan & plan some more are wanting to overtake my life. But, that's just the thing. I can't. I can't plan any further than May, when I will be a college graduate (Lord willing, of course). This week I've started two Seminary applications, researched church internships and put hard thought into working at the beautiful place called Camp Merri-Mac. SOMANYOPTIONS. It's beautiful and overwhelming all at the same time. I refuse to make this entire blog about this issue because I'm taking a break from thinking about the future for the weekend. See ya later, incessant thoughts about my life.

In other news, I attended Alcohol Anonymous last night as a requirement for one of my classes. We talked about AA and the typical routine of a meeting in class to prepare us for our individual adventures there. Nothing could have adequately prepared me for this experience. The drive to the meeting was about 40 minutes, so one of my classmates & I rode together & had some good convo. She had been to a meeting before with a friend who wanted to go. So, anywho. We arrive at our destination. Normal people, some around my age and some much older filled the room. Each face had a name, a story and a struggle. I can't tell you how I felt as each person shared their "step one." Step one is admitting that you are powerless within your struggle & that your life has become unmanageable. These people shared with such vulnerability and self-awareness. I had one woman look me straight in the eye (knowing I was a first time visitor) and tell me that she threw away her family, friends and every other opportunity that was in front of her because alcohol & drugs were the most important things in her life. Slowly as these men & women shared their stories and what it took to realize their powerlessness, they spoke of God and their desperate need for Him. GOD. GOD is responsible for the healing & restoration that has happened in the lives of these people. The little box of my life was completely blown to pieces. This experience showed me a glimpse of just how BIG our God is. His hand is present places that I have never been and will never go. He is working all things out for the good of those that love Him (rom 8:28).  This was a long spill. Worth it. Yes? hope so.

Just a glimpse into what God is teaching me...this week I was extremely humbled by the honest words of a kind friend. She blatantly called out sin in my life and it really hurt. It hurt so badly to feel like a failure of a friend...to be reminded of just how broken I am. But, at the same time it was so freeing. Yes, I am a sinner and I will never get it all right. I will never be complete until the day of Christ Jesus (phil 1:6). and I need friends like her who will tell me, just quite honestly, when I'm being a jerk. Because being a jerk doesn't exemplify Christ. at. all.

Okay, it's dinner time & I'm hungry. And, since I'm an adult I have to go COOK dinner. Pasta & chicken tonight.

Much Love.
check out Ephesians 1:18&19.