long time, no bloggy.

it's been a while since I've sat down to reflect and write. 

today is thanksgiving.. happy thanksgiving, y'all! although I'm thankful for a lot, that's not what I've intended to write about. Honestly, I have no intentions for this post. My desire is to reflect on all that God has been teaching me lately. so, here we go.


I've been seeking out and praying for a mentor for a long while now. I so deeply desire a one on one relationship with a woman who is willing to call me out, laugh with me, cry with me and mostly just listen to all this mumble jumble in my head. and YALL. the Lord provided. He is so faithful to have brought someone into my life to love me, walk with me through this crazy season called senior year and challenge me through the Word. We've only been "meeting" for two weeks or so and I just have really felt God's blessing all over the friendship. Thank you, sweet Jesus...He met the desire of my heart! and I am so, so thankful. 

 My best friend of 8 years got engaged last weekend!!!!! I knew for a month before it happened and it was SO incredibly difficult to keep it from her. But, it was absolutely perfect. Although she and I are the same age, clearly she is in a completely different stage of life than I am and I'm so excited about walking through this with her. It's amazing how although this is happening to Steph & Ben, God is teaching me a lot. Through their relationship/engagement, God is giving me standards that need to be met for my husband. Through this time, He is teaching me to be selfless and TRUST His timing. For Stephanie and Ben, the timing was surely the Lord's and God is steadily telling me to trust His timing with the relationship aspect of my life. I'm processing all this and it's literally been less than a week since the proposal! It's gonna be a wild ride!! But really... God is going to do some big things through this marriage & I couldn't be more thrilled!! 


I've pretty much nailed my options for next year down to two internships. This really excites me. The application process for one of them begins in January! That's right around the corner. Until then, I should be fervently praying for His hand to lead me. I'm genuinely really excited about both of these options though. They are drastically different--and I feel like choosing one is choosing an entire lifestyle and choosing the other is an entirely different lifestyle. But hey, that's my worrying side coming out. God, increase my faith and trust in You. Kill my unbelief. 
This sweet picture is from a trip to Athens, GA to see camp friends. Meg & Morgan are wonderful. Well, that's all for now. I'm working retail on black Friday so I need my sleep :) 
--Loving some Colossians one lately. He holds all together. 
selah :)

disconnect.

the disconnect between the head and the heart, or in this spiritual journey you can refer to as the Spirit and the flesh, is becoming increasingly frustrating within my mind. 



For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
(Romans 7:15-20 ESV)


In the past, this passage of Scripture was very confusing...but these are the exact thoughts I have often. My flesh flares up and fails daily. And it's always in conflict with the Spirit.
Scripture is very clear about the power of the Spirit. But, quite honestly, learning to walk by the Spirit (and what that even means or looks like on a day to day basis) has not been an easy journey. It takes sacrifice: choosing to have friendships, listen to music and watch things that encourage the Spirit within me and do not grieve it (Eph. 4:30). 
I'm learning that it is every little decision I choose that can benefit my relationship with the Lord or hinder it. Some people choose to believe that they can be "stagnant" or maybe even neutral in their walk with the Lord. From my experience, in those times I feel stagnant because I'm not growing closer to the Lord's heart I am ultimately being pulled away from it from the world. 
My prayer is that there is a bridge between this disconnect...that God would so graciously give me self-discipline to listen to and watch things that glorify Him alone, to participate in conversation that strives to honor Him & that I would make decisions led by the Spirit and not to gratify my flesh. 


Also, I've been especially blessed this week by the Lord's favor on my sister Amanda in blessing her with another child! Baby Wright #4 is on the way :) I have not always liked children, nor do I really claim to be good with them by any means right now.. but God is definitely softening my heart--and I am SO excited about this little one. I'm thankful that God has His own plan & timing. Blessings like this just can't be planned. 


that's all for now, folks. 

Fall is here, for now...

It's been a month since my last post. Oops!

In reference to that last post, the battle is not over. But thankfully God has been gracious with me, providing me with confidence and joy in Him. 

Today is the most glorious day!! It is so stinkin crazy how drastically the weather affects my mood. For instance, I woke up Tuesday morning to an insane thunderstorm. It was a crazy awesome demonstration of God's power, but it was not encouraging me to go to class. Therefore, yep, you guessed it. I skipped. First time to skip this class and it's October!! (well, almost). Today, however, myohmy ITFEELSLIKEFALL!!! Did you get that? It actually feels like Fall in Mississippi! Now, I'm enjoying it fully because (literally) only God knows what tomorrow and the next few days will feel like. But this was a glorious day to welcome in Fall Break of my senior year. What?! No Fall Break next year. EEESSH. (do I have to grow up?) This afternoon I took a sleeping bag into the backyard at my house and literally just laid there. ITWASAWESOME. seriously. one of the best ideas I've had in a while. So thankful to the Creator for blessing me with this day.

"God has a plan, He has a plan and it is good. God is good & He has a plan for me & it is good."
This is a little excerpt from my brain the last few weeks. My tendencies to plan & plan & plan some more are wanting to overtake my life. But, that's just the thing. I can't. I can't plan any further than May, when I will be a college graduate (Lord willing, of course). This week I've started two Seminary applications, researched church internships and put hard thought into working at the beautiful place called Camp Merri-Mac. SOMANYOPTIONS. It's beautiful and overwhelming all at the same time. I refuse to make this entire blog about this issue because I'm taking a break from thinking about the future for the weekend. See ya later, incessant thoughts about my life.

In other news, I attended Alcohol Anonymous last night as a requirement for one of my classes. We talked about AA and the typical routine of a meeting in class to prepare us for our individual adventures there. Nothing could have adequately prepared me for this experience. The drive to the meeting was about 40 minutes, so one of my classmates & I rode together & had some good convo. She had been to a meeting before with a friend who wanted to go. So, anywho. We arrive at our destination. Normal people, some around my age and some much older filled the room. Each face had a name, a story and a struggle. I can't tell you how I felt as each person shared their "step one." Step one is admitting that you are powerless within your struggle & that your life has become unmanageable. These people shared with such vulnerability and self-awareness. I had one woman look me straight in the eye (knowing I was a first time visitor) and tell me that she threw away her family, friends and every other opportunity that was in front of her because alcohol & drugs were the most important things in her life. Slowly as these men & women shared their stories and what it took to realize their powerlessness, they spoke of God and their desperate need for Him. GOD. GOD is responsible for the healing & restoration that has happened in the lives of these people. The little box of my life was completely blown to pieces. This experience showed me a glimpse of just how BIG our God is. His hand is present places that I have never been and will never go. He is working all things out for the good of those that love Him (rom 8:28).  This was a long spill. Worth it. Yes? hope so.

Just a glimpse into what God is teaching me...this week I was extremely humbled by the honest words of a kind friend. She blatantly called out sin in my life and it really hurt. It hurt so badly to feel like a failure of a friend...to be reminded of just how broken I am. But, at the same time it was so freeing. Yes, I am a sinner and I will never get it all right. I will never be complete until the day of Christ Jesus (phil 1:6). and I need friends like her who will tell me, just quite honestly, when I'm being a jerk. Because being a jerk doesn't exemplify Christ. at. all.

Okay, it's dinner time & I'm hungry. And, since I'm an adult I have to go COOK dinner. Pasta & chicken tonight.

Much Love.
check out Ephesians 1:18&19.

Looking up

It's difficult to believe that a month ago I was still at camp.
Life has progressed at such a quick pace, I can barely grasp it. The days pass slowly but the weeks seem to be running away from me.

Coming away from camp this time around has been extremely different than last summer. Summer of 2010 was a wonderful experience with beautiful friendships that still flourish to this day...but I did not miss camp the way that I miss Merri-Mac now. My deep love & appreciation for the staff, campers and in general, the ministry of this place runs through my veins constantly. I have accepted the challenge (without much choice, of course) of being back home, in MS, studying my butt off this last year. Thankfully the Lord has blessed me with tremendous community that welcomes me home every day (literally...they are my roommates!)...

But the adjustment has not been simple thus far. I truly believe that coming home from camp is one of the most vulnerable states one can be in spiritually speaking. Talking with other friends from camp, I'm certain that Satan has been itching to bother us with loneliness, insecurity, and distracting us from our current lives by missing camp so much.

My battle since I have been home has been spiritual & mental. My mentor growing up always told me that "the battlefield starts in the mind." I have found that to be so true always but especially at this time in my life. To sum up what God is fighting for me every day (Exodus 14:14) would be the word insecurity.  This time last year (for the first time in my life) I started to struggle with being insecure in my looks, personality and even friendships. At times Satan easily convinced me of my insufficiency in this world. Which, partly is true.. I will never be sufficient/perfect...BUT Christ redeemed me from the curse of the law (Galatians 3:13)...and THAT has made me sufficient.

These insecurities have risen yet again after returning home from camp. I was beginning to notice not only the mental lies I was believing about myself (my character & my looks) but also how these insecurities were affecting my actions. I have been less confident in speaking in class, meeting new people & trying new things...and I have hated it. Especially knowing that the root of it is this insane spiritual battle. (that Christ has already won!!)

But God is rich in mercy(Ephesians 2:4-5) and He has given me wisdom and strength to overcome moments of insecurity throughout the day. As simple as this may sound to you... It has been monumental for me. You see, all my life I have been this extremely confident person and suddenly I realized that all my confidence was found in myself (philippians 3:3)... I was a confident person because others thought highly of me. Graciously, He is holding my hand through this journey of putting confidence in Him. Today I sat by an accquaintance in one of my classes...and I think we might be friends now :)

The length of this post was necessary. The thoughts have been jumbled for a while. I'm so incredibly thankful God is giving me clarity, wisdom & security in His promises. I pray that you also find security in Him & not yourself, for we are beings full of sin.

Psalm 45:10&11

Good for the Soul

I am so excited to finally say that I am settled into my new home!! 
After a few days of back and forth from my parent's home to mine, I'm happy to be home for good. My home that is. 


This week was honestly very emotionally exhausting. I spent time unpacking, washing clothes, packing, unpacking and more packing.. I have spent time talking with friends I haven't seen all summer.. pouring out all that God taught me/is teaching me. I have skyped and talked with camp friends who are so graciously helping me through this transition. I've spent time journaling...attempting to process the eleven weeks I spent at camp. Overall, this has been a good week--vastly different than the weeks I've seen recently. But it's a good change for my soul. 


I might bite my tongue in a week for saying this... but I'm ready to start class, get a routine and get even more settled. It's hard to fathom this being my last year in school for a while...it leaves my mind to wander what I will be doing come Fall of 2012. This year will be full of lasts yet full of so many firsts as well. First house for starts! As the year progresses, I look forward to writing about all the Lord brings me to and through. If there is one thing I've learned this summer it is the beauty of His faithfulness. 


I started reading John yesterday and it is so rich. 


Check this out.. 
John 1
^"3 All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. ⁴ In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. ⁵ The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."

From this haven...

Summer is coming to a close and I haven't quite gotten a grasp on how I feel about that. 


The end of summer signifies the beginning of something else... the beginning of Fall, the reminder of harsh, crisp reality outside this camp bubble, and the first day of my senior year in college. 


Being at camp this summer has allowed me to suppress a lot of thoughts concerning my future. I am desperately praying that the Lord provides me with peace during this next season of my life.  I'm curious about what this next year will look like. I want so badly to be as disciplined and passionate about spending time with the Lord as I was Spring semester. 


I'm so sad to leave some of these beautiful camp friendships. It truly is amazing how the Lord can craft community so perfectly for an eleven week period of time. He so graciously provided me with friends to love, challenge and help me along this summer. I will miss them so much. 


However, I'm so incredibly excited to get back to the community I've been blessed with at home. It's hard to let go of where I am right now... but I am looking forward to what He has in store for me. :) 

forget not His benefits.

It's easier to title a post once it's been written.


Looking at this screen allows me to exhale. It brings me great joy to blog. 


Camp is great. No, really. Camp is great. The Lord has provided me with beautiful community through friends this summer and I have absolutely loved it. Being at Merri-Mac for a second summer has deepened my love for camp and its ministry. It is truly a joy to watch young girls live in a safe environment that allows them to be themselves...silly, fun and free of judgement. It's a beautiful thing.


In order to be home for my dear friend Mallory's wedding, I'm spending the night in a hotel room alone. This allows for much thought and contemplating of my almost eight weeks here in North Carolina. I love this place so much. So quickly has it become my home and so quickly it will no longer be. 


Living in a different state, away from my family, friends and everyday norm has made me even more thankful for the Lord's consistency. He knew all that would happen this summer and all that will happen in my lifetime...and He chooses to love me still. 


This summer I have been reminded of what a broken sinner I am. Despite my efforts to do my best in every area of camp and life at home, I have failed. And frankly that sucks. I have a tendency to hold high expectations for myself and not meeting them is just not fun. But, this summer the Lord has freed me from this captivity. If He has such great and powerful grace on me, who am I to sulk and dwell on my failures? 


Unfortunately I do not have the mental capacity to truly write about all that is going on in my head. I'm too exhausted. And I'm still processing. 


One of my first session campers wrote me a letter with Psalm 103 written at the bottom. I will leave you with its beginning...


Psalm 103
1Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.