not I, but HE

there's so much i want to write about right now. it's been a while since I've updated. and even in the last hour I've felt so many emotions I could put on this blog. 


God demands radical sacrifice. His Gospel requires losing our life.


If you are a Christian, YOU are dead and CHRIST is living in you.


You have chosen to abandon...
your dreams, 
your family,
your hopes, 
your plans...


in exchange for HIM. 


Why is the word "I used in our vocabulary so much? 


It's no longer my decision. I gave it up to have Him. 


Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. 

a vineyard.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give to you." John 15:16


What a beautiful picture. I am the vine, He is the vinedresser. This reminds me that ultimately He really is in control. I can choose to think of my self as one single vine, living on my own. But, in reality, I am a vine among many others and He directs our paths. 


In reality..
I am selfish, He is selfless...
I am unable, He is able...
I am unworthy, He is worthy...
I am insecure, He provides security...
I question, He is always the answer...
I am scared, He drives out fear...
I am unlovable, yet He loves me. 


Each of these things is so easy to spit out...or type out. But taking the time to breath it in and think...He is more. He is more than I ever could have asked for. Yet there is this tight knot of selfish nature cutting the circulation between the Father and myself. And daily, daily, I mean every day...I must battle to continue the flow of that circulation. 


I'm so thankful for forgiveness and love. Love is the root of it all. 


If you would, I am asking you to take a minute and pray for my missions process. A lot of money goes towards this sorta trip and it is definitely in my nature to doubt the fundraising process. Please pray with me on this. Thank you, friend.