Monday, August 29, 2011

Looking up

It's difficult to believe that a month ago I was still at camp.
Life has progressed at such a quick pace, I can barely grasp it. The days pass slowly but the weeks seem to be running away from me.

Coming away from camp this time around has been extremely different than last summer. Summer of 2010 was a wonderful experience with beautiful friendships that still flourish to this day...but I did not miss camp the way that I miss Merri-Mac now. My deep love & appreciation for the staff, campers and in general, the ministry of this place runs through my veins constantly. I have accepted the challenge (without much choice, of course) of being back home, in MS, studying my butt off this last year. Thankfully the Lord has blessed me with tremendous community that welcomes me home every day (literally...they are my roommates!)...

But the adjustment has not been simple thus far. I truly believe that coming home from camp is one of the most vulnerable states one can be in spiritually speaking. Talking with other friends from camp, I'm certain that Satan has been itching to bother us with loneliness, insecurity, and distracting us from our current lives by missing camp so much.

My battle since I have been home has been spiritual & mental. My mentor growing up always told me that "the battlefield starts in the mind." I have found that to be so true always but especially at this time in my life. To sum up what God is fighting for me every day (Exodus 14:14) would be the word insecurity.  This time last year (for the first time in my life) I started to struggle with being insecure in my looks, personality and even friendships. At times Satan easily convinced me of my insufficiency in this world. Which, partly is true.. I will never be sufficient/perfect...BUT Christ redeemed me from the curse of the law (Galatians 3:13)...and THAT has made me sufficient.

These insecurities have risen yet again after returning home from camp. I was beginning to notice not only the mental lies I was believing about myself (my character & my looks) but also how these insecurities were affecting my actions. I have been less confident in speaking in class, meeting new people & trying new things...and I have hated it. Especially knowing that the root of it is this insane spiritual battle. (that Christ has already won!!)

But God is rich in mercy(Ephesians 2:4-5) and He has given me wisdom and strength to overcome moments of insecurity throughout the day. As simple as this may sound to you... It has been monumental for me. You see, all my life I have been this extremely confident person and suddenly I realized that all my confidence was found in myself (philippians 3:3)... I was a confident person because others thought highly of me. Graciously, He is holding my hand through this journey of putting confidence in Him. Today I sat by an accquaintance in one of my classes...and I think we might be friends now :)

The length of this post was necessary. The thoughts have been jumbled for a while. I'm so incredibly thankful God is giving me clarity, wisdom & security in His promises. I pray that you also find security in Him & not yourself, for we are beings full of sin.

Psalm 45:10&11

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Good for the Soul

I am so excited to finally say that I am settled into my new home!! 
After a few days of back and forth from my parent's home to mine, I'm happy to be home for good. My home that is. 

This week was honestly very emotionally exhausting. I spent time unpacking, washing clothes, packing, unpacking and more packing.. I have spent time talking with friends I haven't seen all summer.. pouring out all that God taught me/is teaching me. I have skyped and talked with camp friends who are so graciously helping me through this transition. I've spent time journaling...attempting to process the eleven weeks I spent at camp. Overall, this has been a good week--vastly different than the weeks I've seen recently. But it's a good change for my soul. 

I might bite my tongue in a week for saying this... but I'm ready to start class, get a routine and get even more settled. It's hard to fathom this being my last year in school for a leaves my mind to wander what I will be doing come Fall of 2012. This year will be full of lasts yet full of so many firsts as well. First house for starts! As the year progresses, I look forward to writing about all the Lord brings me to and through. If there is one thing I've learned this summer it is the beauty of His faithfulness. 

I started reading John yesterday and it is so rich. 

Check this out.. 
John 1
"3 All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. 5 The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

From this haven...

Summer is coming to a close and I haven't quite gotten a grasp on how I feel about that. 

The end of summer signifies the beginning of something else... the beginning of Fall, the reminder of harsh, crisp reality outside this camp bubble, and the first day of my senior year in college. 

Being at camp this summer has allowed me to suppress a lot of thoughts concerning my future. I am desperately praying that the Lord provides me with peace during this next season of my life.  I'm curious about what this next year will look like. I want so badly to be as disciplined and passionate about spending time with the Lord as I was Spring semester. 

I'm so sad to leave some of these beautiful camp friendships. It truly is amazing how the Lord can craft community so perfectly for an eleven week period of time. He so graciously provided me with friends to love, challenge and help me along this summer. I will miss them so much. 

However, I'm so incredibly excited to get back to the community I've been blessed with at home. It's hard to let go of where I am right now... but I am looking forward to what He has in store for me. :)