the disconnect between the head and the heart, or in this spiritual journey you can refer to as the Spirit and the flesh, is becoming increasingly frustrating within my mind.
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
(Romans 7:15-20 ESV)
In the past, this passage of Scripture was very confusing...but these are the exact thoughts I have often. My flesh flares up and fails daily. And it's always in conflict with the Spirit.
Scripture is very clear about the power of the Spirit. But, quite honestly, learning to walk by the Spirit (and what that even means or looks like on a day to day basis) has not been an easy journey. It takes sacrifice: choosing to have friendships, listen to music and watch things that encourage the Spirit within me and do not grieve it (Eph. 4:30).
I'm learning that it is every little decision I choose that can benefit my relationship with the Lord or hinder it. Some people choose to believe that they can be "stagnant" or maybe even neutral in their walk with the Lord. From my experience, in those times I feel stagnant because I'm not growing closer to the Lord's heart I am ultimately being pulled away from it from the world.
My prayer is that there is a bridge between this disconnect...that God would so graciously give me self-discipline to listen to and watch things that glorify Him alone, to participate in conversation that strives to honor Him & that I would make decisions led by the Spirit and not to gratify my flesh.
Also, I've been especially blessed this week by the Lord's favor on my sister Amanda in blessing her with another child! Baby Wright #4 is on the way :) I have not always liked children, nor do I really claim to be good with them by any means right now.. but God is definitely softening my heart--and I am SO excited about this little one. I'm thankful that God has His own plan & timing. Blessings like this just can't be planned.
that's all for now, folks.