Thursday, January 20, 2011

Happy Am I at Merri-Mac..

a series of events the past couple of days has led me to be in constant thought about Camp Merri-Mac, a place of growth, joy and friendships. there are such fond memories in my heart here. Girls ministry is my favorite ministry. 

i LOVE getting to know the sweet hearts God has created and placed in my cabin. out of this summer, i received one of the best friendships ever, my co-counselor, Caroline. i have learned so much from her and our friendship. i learned so much from the beautiful girls that surrounded me. they were full of life and eager to learn, most times. it was beautiful the way they lingered on scripture and dug into their own hearts and souls to find God. 

all this reminiscing has brought me to a place of question: will I return? Returning to camp demands sacrifice.. almost 11 weeks of my summer 10ish hours from home. missing out on memories with sweet friends. but the Lord has wired me this way. He has wired me to use my gifts, my ministry for His glory, no matter the sacrifice. 
sweet caroline and me-for Sunny-Dreams Tacky Prom

Haley, Clare, myself, Autumn and Lucy--my last day at camp.

So, for the next two weeks I've committed to pray about Merri-Mac 2011--and I will either accept or decline a job offer. 

i'm praying for clarity past emotions. i want what HE wants. 

Monday, January 17, 2011

it's tugging at me again...

i spent a week in paris, france last year that changed my life. i spent my spring break ministering to muslim women, stumbling over french with university students and serving muslim business owners by cleaning for them. it was humbling and challenging to say the least. 

recently, i have been thinking about how much Jesus reached out. it is so very easy for me spend time in my room bettering my own relationship with Christ, but how often am I reaching out beyond my comfort zone? yes, Jesus spent time alone with the father (35And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.) but he was constantly in ministry with others. 

i want to sacrifice my time, money, self for Him. 

So, I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the tug to spend time overseas. i'm feeling to desire to feel uncomfortable. to go, even if it is alone. i have been so distracted by making plans for after i graduate, that i haven't focused on the present...or the near future. God, forgive me of these fleshly tendencies. 

I trust You. I believe that Your plan is better than mine. I do not want to stray. 

Lord, may I hold fast to your decrees and thus daily find Your divine path for me. 

Monday, January 10, 2011

it's just a lot.

It's been a while, my friends.  God is moving and teaching me so much. 

Christmas break was very lovely. I have come to realize that I have grown up expecting home to be a place of retreat and refuge. Some people love going home; it's their place of utmost relaxation. Going home is not always a pleasure for me. This has taught me to long for my ultimate home, the place I will feel most peace. Some people say that Christmas break should be full of nothing- only watching TV for endless hours, hanging out with no one but your family and sleeping endless hours. I have felt more and more convicted about this "home being a place of retreat" theory I have. You see, Christians never take a break from doing Christ's work. They never take a day off to relax. Christ's love compels them in all areas of life: when at school, when at work, when at home, anywhere. A Christ followers ministry happens daily. 
at this very moment I am sitting at my neatly organized desk in my newly rearranged dorm room (shout out to eb and leah frances for helping me). i'm drinking coffee and listening to john mayer. it is a peaceful moment indeed. i love moments like this where i feel that all is right. but then, as soon as i type that or think that, i think about unbelievers. i think about the reality of hell and it makes me want to scream. God, show me. Lead me in ministry-not just furthering the walks of believers but loving on unbelievers. i think about my parents, who attend church and listen to me talk about jesus but i've never heard them talk about their love for him. this is scary stuff for me. 
have you ever read anything by Donald Miller? Can I just say...obsessed? Because I am. 
Starting with Blue Like Jazz last semester, I read Through Painted Deserts over Christmas break and I am now beautifully plowing through Searching For God Knows What. This journey with Donald Miller has been amazing.  I urge you to check out Blue Like Jazz--Miller writes with astounding vulnerability and honesty about today's church and his thoughts on God. I have loved this journey. 

Today is Monday. I arrived at school Saturday night because of the "ice storm" and classes were cancelled due to the weather today. I have cleaned, organized, read, read some more, journaled, talked with some friends, played cards, etc. Yesterday I was bombarded with the fact that I do not have many friends. I have somewhat began to process this. --I have always had a group of friends...a fun group of people to go out to dinner with or stay in and watch a movie with, etc. However, I have not had that for a while. Last semester was very lonely for me because my best friend, Anna, was very busy with our tribe, Nenamoosha. This semester, however, she and I both have a lot of time on our hands... and yesterday I realized... God, this is not how you intended community to be. My best friend and I going back and forth to each others' rooms hanging out with each other on a campus that is filled with believers. It seems unright. So, I'm dedicating myself to praying for community. For this semester and for next year because Anna and I are looking to live off campus with some other people. Friendships can hurt a lot, and I think that's why I am so picky about where I invest my time. There is that factor and also that most people my age have a very distinguished group of friends. 

I apologize for the length of this entry. Oh, yeah.. I have been single for a year :) God is faithful. andddd Happy New Year! 

I've also learned a lot about the importance of the Word of God lately-so I'll leave you with this: "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, Children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life-in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing" Philippians 2:14-16