probably too raw.

there's a time for asking yourself if you really believe what you've been saying you believe. 

i think this is healthy.

saying words repeatedly, even for years, does not mean that you actually believe what you are saying. it doesn't mean you put trust in those words. it does not mean you would stake all that you have for those words that you are saying. so, if saying it doesn't mean you believe it, what does? 

Living like you believe it. 

this post might be a little too raw, but my heart is raw tonight. so i'm going to share it.

while reading psalm 84 tonight, I came across verse 11 which reads:

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor

No good thing does he withhold

from those who walk uprightly"

One of the side notes led me to Psalm 34: 9&10 as well...

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack! 

The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

I'm left asking myself: do I believe that because I have God I lack nothing? I have everything I need? I have all the GOOD I will ever have because I have the Lord? 

If I choose to say I believe this, how am I acting this out? 

 I'm not. 

I am constantly seeking more,

rejecting that He is enough.  

I'm seeking wholeness in Him. 

this means sacrifice. this means rejecting the world. this means change. 

the bottom line is that He is enough. but every time I choose my way over His, I'm rejecting that fact. 

Jesus, forgive me.